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Yup....I'm going to talk about sex. GOOD sex.

Just a few notes...nothing too intimidating

So the other day a (long divorced) guy friend of mine and I started talking about sex (not flirting...he's lovely, but not my type) and as we were discussing people we dated, he mentioned that there were women that he felt just weren't that into sex. That he really had to work hard to get them aroused, so he figured that they just weren't into it. We were then interrupted and let the conversation drop.

So ok, some people aren't into sex, and that's totally cool. You get to run your body however it suits you, and there will be zero judgement from me around that. On the other hand..... what I WANTED to ask....was just what kind of research had he done around sex? Where did he learn his techniques? Does he own any books? Who owns sex books? I come across many people who fail to. I have quite a few....and they are REALLY helpful (pm me and I'll give you titles). As opposed to porn, which is SO not realistic. I heard a great quote on that from Reid Mihalko (Sexpert and great guy - "Learning sex by watching porn is like learning how to drive by watching The Fast And The Furious". Yeah. Because porn is meant to be entertaining, things happen really quickly. In contrast, watch the sex on Romance movies. It's muuuuuuch slower. And that's still faster than real life. So right there we have a learning issue - timing. THUS there is a need to learn how to do this sex thing. Books are GREAT! You can read them in the privacy of your own home, you can display them so your dates can see you are making an effort AND it gives you a great starting point for a conversation around it.

So WHICH books to buy?!!? It really depends on what you're looking for (right?), but I'll give you a few resources. is an adult toy store (note - they also have physical stores) which sells books, but what I LOVE is that they have incredible customer service people who can answer questions in multiple formats. They have toys that have discussion videos right on line so you can get an idea of what you're dealing with. So get on there and ask them what books they recommend....and check out the toys if you are looking for a new type of fun. Next, go Cosmopolitan!! They assembled a GREAT listing of sex books So pick up one....or get really racey and start a sex-book club. ;-)

So that guy Reid Mihalko I mentioned? He does GREAT videos and lots of classes all over the place. I HIGHLY recommend checking him out. He does some fantastic talks on all sex-related subjects, including HYSTERICAL bawdy story-telling Of note - he'll be the first one to say that THE MOST IMPORTANT aspect of sex is....communication. My grandmother once said "if you don't tell people what you want, don't expect to get it". Right? Reid has some really great communication techniques. Some are in his videos, but he also does recorded seminars that are SUPER.

So let me say this; Sex matters. A lot. And it's fun. REALLY fun. So if you don't have a good sex life, take a good look in the mirror and say "so what am I doing to help change this?" you know? There are lots of options out there. Pick one (hint - start with communication).


PS Just found this link. From THE MOTH (my favorite) podcast btw.

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